All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
