woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
