Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
