My cat gives me a boner
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
