the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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