Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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