As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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