I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
