I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
