speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That accounts for only three of the penises
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
