my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
