don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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