I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
