I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
