why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
