All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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