I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
