I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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