In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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