I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
