Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
