hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
