I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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