oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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