the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
