you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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