You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i dont even know how to be here
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
