im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
