i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
