wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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