and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
