My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
