Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
