I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
