just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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