he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
