yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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