How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
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i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
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The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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