every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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