is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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