the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
