You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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