Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
