Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
