My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
