I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
