whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
