you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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