I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
