Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
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If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
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Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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