My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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