can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
worst night to have a conscience
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
