his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
