theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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