i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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