I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
