i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
