Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
