the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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