I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
