Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
