well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
