Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
3pm strippers are depressing
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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