hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
