I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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