You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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