I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
