you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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