Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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