He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Sober January is a disaster.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
