So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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