Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
