I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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