I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
