her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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