some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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