How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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