No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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