maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
