my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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