If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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