I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
