Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
